Unhappy?

Rasa-rasanya sakitku aneh banget. Dia muncul saat aku stress.

Asam lambungku nggak sembuh-sembuh padahal obatnya udah 2 batch. Ditambah sering demam lagi, yang aku tahu demam bukan gejala asam lambung. Tapi iya, kalau stress dikit aja perutku bakal bergejolak dan berbunyi. Sumpah bikin tengsin. Kalau stress juga aku suka demam, aneh banget.

” Lo psikosomatis kali gi”

Bisa jadi kata temanku benar, soalnya literally saat aku stress penyakitnya muncul. Tapi tentunya nggak bisa memvonis diri sendiri kalo gak ada basic medis. Psikosomatis sendiri adalah penyakit-penyakit yang muncul saat kita stress, banyak tekanan dan.. kurang bahagia. Untuk gejala-gejalanya memang mirip sih sama penyakit gue.

Am i unhappy?

Maybe. I have a lot of things to do in one day and it’s not in one aspect, and i feel tired to manage it. It’s because i easily get stressed especially when i do something that is not my expertise.

And one thing that, maybe could be the reason why i sick is.. i don’t have a deep convo friend.

I stressed out and i can’t tell the stories with friend who want to hear me. Some of my friend who r the best listeners are busy, and the rest of my friend is not good at listening. They keep telling their problem as worse than me, “ya kamu masih mending, aku nih blabla”.

And i can’t help but silent. I don’t want to be like him/her or fight in “who have the worst problem”competition. Every condition is different. And if you don’t want to understand my problem it’s ok, i will not begging you to hear me.

Pelarianku sebenarnya biasanya komik. I made comic and all of my crap thought is in it. Believe or not it’s one thing that makes me stressed: uninportant shit in my head. Ideas is not that hard for me to search, it’s everywhere. LITERALLY EVERYWHERE THAT MADE ME TIRED AND STRESSED. But comics is best therapy i think. People like it, thought i don’t have any expectation for those crappy artwork. But the bad news is i am poor and don’t have a free time cause i take a lot of side job.

So yah, that’s why i don’t have anything to make me happy. I am so lonely, I don’t have a friend who hear me, i don’t have a money, i don’t have a time to do my hobby. I usually eat spicy food to brighten my life but now it’s forbidden. I am unhappy even more, day by day.

I should do something to change it. I want to be happy, like you.